Wedding Guest Surprises: Oh No They Didn't!

By Christa Leupen

Handling sticky situations with your wedding guests   

Have a guest dilemma that needs solving, or a situation you’d like to avoid? Here are some helpful tips for handling sticky situations and surprises. While ultimately, you want your wedding day to be perfect and exactly the way you envisioned it, things are bound to come up and you’re forced to either address it directly or smile and let it go. Remember, at the end of the day, you want your wedding as an event that brought together the people you care about the most, not the etiquette smack down that alienated half the family.  

They don’t RSVP – Every guest list has them—the column of guests who never sent back that RSVP card you so kindly included, addressed and stamped for them. All they had to do was check a box, but for some reason they couldn’t manage that. Resist the urge to take them off the list entirely and have a bouncer turn them away at the door. The easiest thing to do is make a phone call and inquire. If you don’t have the time to do it, ask your mother, mother-in-law or a bridesmaid that is close to the person to make the call for you.  

They RSVPed…with an unexpected date – It happens. You didn’t know Cousin Eloise was dating anyone, but lo and behold, her RSVP has come back and she’s responded for two. Now what? Unfortunately, you’re probably going to need to accept the fact that your guests list won’t be perfect. There will always be those couple of guests that assume they can bring a tagalong, and there will also be guests who RSVP with their family of eight and then not show up for the reception. Your caterer will likely have already accounted for these situations, so don’t fret. Take a deep breath and remember how much you hated going to weddings alone.  

They RSVPed…with a baby – Your invite specifically said “adults only reception,” but Bob and Jane from Pittsburgh had no where else to leave their two year old terror, and they’ve asked to bring him along. Unless there is a specific reason that you cannot have children at the wedding, you’d be best served to just welcome them. If possible, maybe it means having a room set aside for parents whose children suddenly start wailing in the middle of your vows. Think about it this way: no parent wants to have that kid. If their child starts acting up, odds are they’ll probably try to duck out without making a scene.  

She showed up in white! – Two white dresses make their debut on your wedding day? It’s certainly a faux pas for your guest, but there’s not much you can do about it once she’s arrived. Best thing to do is laugh it off and know, without a doubt, there is no way she’s steeling your thunder. Unless, of course, she shows up in a veil, too…  

He shows up in a t-shirt – Maybe Uncle Ernie has never set foot in a country club before, so he didn’t understand that certain attire is not only considered inappropriate for a wedding, but it’s also not allowed in your venue. It’s unlikely that your reception location will actually kick him to the curb, and they may even have a blazer he can borrow for the evening. Lessen the chance of this embarrassing scene by making it very clear on your invitation what attire is appropriate and special note of attire that might be banned.  

He’s enjoying the party a little too much – There’s at least one in every crowd. They took advantage of the open bar, and now they are making a scene on the dance floor. This is one situation best handled by a member of the wedding party or a friend or family member close with the offending guest. Maybe that can gently encourage the person off the floor, offer a cup of coffee and call a cab. It’ll make for a great story years down the road!  

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